Likers Gonna Like & Haters Gonna Unlike

September 25, 2017

“If you ever want your soul to dance in the clouds, you will at some point have to juggle lightening and taste the thunder.”
-Christopher Poindexter

How to get me to like you:

-Display a fairly decent knowledge of correct grammar
-Play a musical instrument
-Be a fan of funny things, inappropriate jokes, and sarcasm
-Talk to me about deep things as opposed to people
-Be active
-Work hard
-Laugh and/or smile a lot
-Do ya thing without caring what others think of you
-Have a passion for something (bonus points if it’s something I have no knowledge or experience in)
-Love animals

*Pick one of the above.*

How to make me like you less:

-Try to convince me your way/beliefs is/are the only way
-Attempt to gossip about others with me when I just met you a week ago
-Be insecure
-Brag about yourself endlessly
-Constantly be on your phone
-Have slobby tendencies like when there’s a trash can right there and you throw your wrapper on the floor instead (Also, whyyyyyy?! I don’t understand!)
-Hover in the left lane when you’re going slower than everyone else
-Email me again when I didn’t respond to your initial email by the end of the day
-Discriminate against the “aggressive dog breeds”
-Talk about how cool you are because you have this really expensive, name brand thing I could care less about

*No worries – we all have flaws.*

How to make me dislike you:

-Spend the inordinate amount of time it takes to unlike every photo you’ve ever previously liked on my Facebook or Instagram page because you realized you don’t like my political views, and then send me a message telling me how negative I am
-Pay the other members of the band more than me
-Install cameras in an attempt to watch my every move while I take care of your dogs
-Try to convince me that you’re going to get Zika virus because of a large tire I have in your yard as a means to get me to remove said tire.
-Act offended that I’m not giving you photos from a photo shoot for free as in, “You’re going to charge me for them?! Well if I would have known that, I wouldn’t have hired you!”
-Allow me to: spend an entire day hiking the peaks to photograph your proposal, drive out to Lockett Meadow to shoot your engagement session, spend 10 hours photographing your wedding (all without charge) and then, when the discussion comes up to temporarily rent one of the rooms in your house for a place to crash while travelling, quote me a price more than half the amount you pay in rent
-While you, a 40-something man, are in a bind and staying at our house rent-free, lie to us about your girlfriend’s age leaving us to find out the truth when the cops show up on our property and reveal that she’s actually 16.
-As Officiant, stand behind your friends’ first kiss at their wedding ceremony even though I asked you to walk to the side so I could capture the moment without your large body in the background and then, when I confront you about it say, “I think the photos look great!” instead of apologizing like a decent person.

*More on the above later.*